Waiting for a guy to be ready for a relationship

This article was published more than 3 years ago. Some information in it may no longer be current. How long should one person wait for another to be ready for a relationship? Being gay makes this all the more challenging. After meeting in December, it seemed all was right. However, he has a lot of damage from an ex. Part of me feels like I owe it to him to wait because I don't want to pass this one by.

However, waiting is also something I'm not good at. We've had a heart-to-heart where he clearly wants to be more with me when he's ready. I want more with him when he's ready. I also am worried about meeting someone along the way, while I wait. What do you think? Should I wait or move on?

Two things I've always felt are crucial in the early going of — or, I guess, in your case, the roll-up to — a relationship: momentum, and exclusivity. Now, bear in mind this is just one man's opinion, and an old-fashioned man at that. I am aware that many people these days okay, yes, millennials, I'm looking at you, a bit seem content to lurk in the grey area between "hanging out" and "hooking up," who love to pay late-night visits to their "friends with benefits" on the booty-call side of town, and, even while on a first date with someone, are swiping through apps on their phones looking for fresh prospects.

But I don't like the sounds of any of it! I would go so far as to say I don't believe in it. What I believe: When, after wandering lonely as a cloud in the wilderness of singledom, you finally spot someone you're interested in — when, as they say in the military, "the target has been acquired" — knock back a glass of chardonnay, or better a shot of tequila, and cha-a-a-rge!

Go strong to the hoop, in other words. To mix sports metaphors: How else are you going to punch above your weight? I went strong to the hoop, and notoriously punched above my weight — to the point where people will come up to my wife with me standing right there and say, their faces alight with "sociological interest": "Pam, when you first started going out with Dave, what did you see in him, exactly? No offence, Dave. She uses these occasions as a bully pulpit to issue a statement to bachelors and bachelorettes everywhere: "There was a lot I liked about Dave.

I'll tell you one thing, though: I was never in any doubt he was interested in me. In your case, I get no real sense of momentum or exclusivity — or even interest, particularly.

Should You Wait for Him to Be Ready for a Relationship?

Where is his fear of losing you, for example, of letting you slip through his fingers because of his ambivalence and wishy-washiness?The fact that I continue to hear Marc Anthony's hit song "Need to Know" in any context other than a roller rink seems to indicate that the are-we-aren't-we question is still a relevant one in people's lives. Maybe, maybe not, as time is typically the truest test.

Does he ask you on a date? He is not afraid to call a spade a spade and have others calling it such. I "hang out" with my buddies. If I am interested in exploring a relationship with a woman, I ask her out on a date. So if some bro wants to "hang out" with you, it might be worth asking, "Are you asking me out on a date? Does he ask you out ahead of time, or does he expect you to be available the night of?

Does he keep his commitments, or does he expect you to reschedule without much reason? Does he show up on time? All are indicators of how much he values his time with you and how much he expects you to be available to him. But even more so, they can show if he sees you as a priority or someone who can easily be moved down his list.

Which leads me to I don't play hard to get.

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Does he seek out time with you where he can actually get to know you, or is your time together nothing more than social time and you just happen to be there? Group dates certainly have their place, but to build a real relationship, you need to spend a lot of one-on-one time, with group activities as a supplement.

Which reminds me And I like it. Take it from Patty or take it from me: A man who wants something real will wait for someone he finds worth waiting for. Instead, have a conversation fairly early on by the end of date two or three about what his goals are in life, and ask him where he is with them.

This is a very normal and non-threatening way of finding out if he wants a committed relationship in general. You can even hold him to it if somewhere down the road he seems to be dragging his feet. Personally, women find out pretty quickly that I want to get married and have a family and that any relationship that I enter will have those goals in mind.

Keep in mind, a lot of dudes are fairly clueless about all things relationship, even good ones. And, if necessary, cut bait. Is the date going well? Here's what he's probably thinking. These basic rules of thumb will help you do a difficult thing the best possible way. This is quite possibly a man's most dreaded relationship status.

It's easy to spot a marriage-ready guy, when you know what to look for. Find out what's attractive to self-assured, well-adjusted men.When speaking about relationships, we often discuss what would make someone a good man or what would make them a good woman in terms of being a partner.

I think what often goes overlooked, is the introspective aspect of building a solid foundation with someone, and what it really means to be "ready" for a relationship. It doesn't matter if you find the man or woman of your dreams if you're not ready to have them in your life.

It also brings about the possibility of the harsh truth that they may not be interested in you in return, if you're not in the right place emotionally. I was going to say "you're ready to do your best for someone, every day" but let's be realistic -- we are all human and we all have good days and bad days. We can only give so much and sometimes need to be supported ourselves. What's important here is that you're ready to put solid, consistent effort into your partner, your relationship, and even developing yourself.

If you're not ready to do that, then it's best to not commit to someone who would do it for you yet. There is compromise and sacrifice in every relationship. This could mean anything from watching a type of movie you don't like, to moving to a new city or state for the one you love.

The bottom line is, in a happy, healthy relationship -- your partner's happiness is just as important as your own. Communication is the backbone of a relationship in terms of keeping both partners feeling heard and understood.

Nobody can read your mind, nor should they expect you to try to read theirs.

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Being able to openly and honestly communicate with the person you're committed to can make or break your relationship. It's difficult to plan a future with someone who has no future plans for themselves. Things change and life throws curveballs at us -- nobody can be expected to have it all figured out, but giving it a try is a good start.

No matter how well two people get along, odds are you will not like every. There may be small quirks that you've got to accept and maybe ignore. If you get annoyed by everything they do, it will cause unnecessary tension in the relationship.

You can't enter into a relationship with the hopes of molding someone into who you want them to be.

7 Reasons You Shouldn't Wait For A Partner To Want The Same Things As You, According To Therapists

It's important to note that in a healthy relationship, both partners will motivate each other to become the best versions of themselves -- this is not the same as trying to change someone's nature. Happiness comes from the ability to be honest, and the ability to be honest comes from being able to open up to someone without being judged.

You, right now, are a whole complete person. If you think you need to be in a relationship in order to be "complete," you will always be looking for something you can never find. True fulfillment and satisfaction comes from within, and you cannot fully, effectively give yourself to someone until you've found it.Women like to think men are simple.

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Double gasp! This is turning out to be a Spanish soap opera. Okay, he could, but if I spoke to him about any future plans, he would start sweating.

This guy of yours could have a serious case of commitment phobia. And if he does, run the other way.

waiting for a guy to be ready for a relationship

Ah, this one is always a bummer. He would snatch you up and never let go. Good question. Listen, ideally, you should dump him. So here are some other ways to handle the situation.

Then, you two can come to some conclusion.

waiting for a guy to be ready for a relationship

Stay together? Be friends? Something has to happen. Ask yourself if this is something you really want. Do you want a casual relationship with him?

Does it make you happy? What will you accept and what you will not accept. You need to make sure you keep yourself safe and avoid getting hurt. Of course, you can get him to do things for you which will make him invest in you. When we like someone, we usually try to spend more time with them. But if you want him to become more attached to you, you need to do the opposite. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Honestly, this is the easiest and best thing you can do.

waiting for a guy to be ready for a relationship

How to deal with it ]. So, what are you going to do? Liked what you just read? E-mail to:. Your Name:.Some men are really not ready for a relationship and some men use that as an excuse to gently let a woman down. You can always tell if the man is not ready for any relationship, or if he is just not ready for a relationship with you. It might be hard to absorb this idea at first, but it is the truth. Here are 10 signs he is ready to be with someone, but not with you. He made the effort to pursue you in the beginning but then he stopped.

He likes to hang out with his friends more than you.

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It means he is not that busy and has time to go out and see you or be in a relationship, but he is clearly choosing to spend his time with someone other than you.

If he is a popular guy and his friends love him, it means that he is probably a good person. If he is curious by nature or curious about the world, it means he will follow his curiosity blindly, if he really wanted to know something or someone. He goes after what he wants but he is not going after you.

If he is successful and smart, then he probably knows how to get what he wants. It means he is a stand up guy and knows what needs to be done in tough situations. If he is not doing the same with you, he is choosing to be absent from your life. He is not a player or a womanizer. If he is not a player, he probably wants to settle down. His friends say he is ready.

Never Wait For A Man To \

The last and most obvious sign is what his friends say. If his closest friends are saying he is ready or he is looking for someone to settle down with — believe them. Through a series of letters, author Rania Naim examines past and present relationships. If you are moving on from any kind of relationship, this book is your new best friend. Have you heard the latest news? Have you ever seen stuff like that?

I just love it. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time.

By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Unsplash Evan Kirby Some men are really not ready for a relationship and some men use that as an excuse to gently let a woman down. Rania Naim Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me. More From Thought Catalog. Hi, Have you heard the latest news? Dear, Have you ever seen stuff like that?

Get our newsletter every Friday!There's nothing more disheartening than meeting the love of your life and realizing that they're just not ready to be with you in a way that you deserve.

If My Partner Isn’t Ready for a Serious Relationship: Should I Wait?

While the hopeless romantic in you may say sticking it out is going to be worth it, that's typically not the case. According to experts, there are some key reasons why waiting for someone may not end up being worth it in the end. If you like someone and they like you back, it's hard to understand why they wouldn't want to take things to the next level. But people have their reasons.

While it's easy to take it personally, someone not being ready to take things a step further usually has nothing to do with you. When you have feelings for someone, it's easy to stick it out even if your relationship really isn't going anywhere. While it's great that you're patient, understanding, and loyal, you should still think about yourself first.

So here are some reasons why therapists say waiting for someone isn't really worth it. If you're in a situation where you're waiting for someone to change their ways, think about what you're really waiting for. But according to Brown, relationships happen in the now, between two people as they already are today. When you're the one hoping for someone to come around, the balance is already tipped in their favor. You're invested. By waiting, you're already compromising your needs.

When you've already spent a lot of time and energy on someone, it can feel like a waste of time to just let all of that hard work go. But as Latimer says, "Sometimes the choice to walk away is less of a loss than the choice to stay and hope things will change. When you're waiting for someone, you won't really be emotionally available to connect with people that are better suited for you. When you're more invested in someone than they are in you, there's a good chance that you'll be doing a lot of the work.

You can only plan dates and initiate conversations for so long before you start feeling unappreciated. It can feel a lot worse if you're in a situation where they're keeping their options open. So always trust your gut.

According to Scott-Hudson, you should already discuss it by the third date in order to save time and energy. If the person you're waiting for has baggage from a bad relationship or issues from childhood, it's going to effect how they view relationships and commitment. You can't force someone to work through their issues if they don't want to.

According to Witmer, you also can't force a person to grow up when you want them to. Don't compromise to keep the non-relationship person in their life. These are also signs that they don't deserve your time and attention. Waiting for someone to come around can work out for some people, but it's not a guarantee. If you're really set on one specific person, then go for it. The important thing here is to always put yourself first. Think about what makes you happy.

If a situation is is only making you feel anxious and discouraged, ask yourself if your partner really is worth it. Chances are, they're not. You can have the relationship you want. You just have to be OK with letting go of someone who really won't give that to you.Dear Melissa, My friend says his life is a mess after his high profile divorce.

His divorce was finalized 9 months ago, and he has full custody of his kids. He is an amazing father, brother, son, and friend. We care for each other and are definitely attracted to the other.

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We have even kissed a couple times. He considers me his best friend but I want more. Thanks so much for your question! Should I Wait? Depending on how long they were married, the complexity of their estate, how messy and contentious their divorce is…it could take time to recover from all that, sometimes a lot of time. His family life and often his financial life is undergoing such a huge transition that thinking about and growing a new romance is not top of mind for him.

The bottom line is: A man going through or recovering from a divorce is undergoing a lot of stress and transition. And, inevitably, all those stressors affect your relationship. Similar stressors affect dating relationships that follow a divorce. All relationships experience stress at one time or another. The thing to pay attention to is: the degree to which the stress negatively affects the relationship. Being ready for a relationship means being ready and available to give the time and attention to new romance.

It just means their life has to be together enough and stable enough that they can be available for a romance and relationship. For example, I have a friend who was between jobs and has very high rent to pay. She was searching in earnest for her next job opportunity and was on the phone with recruiters and potential employers and going to interviews all week.

However, she was still on Tinder and Bumble dating apps and chatting with guys. And she would go on dates for fun and to be social. The problem is, not everyone is conscious of their own relationship readiness. And the drive to mate and relate is very strong. Romance and companionship feel good!

That means: Be conscious of our relationship requirements, conscious of vision for the kind of life and relationship that we truly want, and conscious of our own relationship readiness so that we can spot red flags before we get hurt and make relationship decisions that support our relationship goals.

When you know your vision for the kind of life and relationship you want and you know your relationship requirements, you can use those as a powerful screening tool in your dating experiences to be objective, balance your heart with your head, and see just how compatible you and your date are.

He’s Not Ready for a Relationship but He Likes Me: What to Do Next

The best thing you can do for you and for your relationship is to let him take the time that he needs to heal. You can stay warm, open, and friendly to him. Never put your life on hold for any man.

Step into being the chooser in your life and relationships. It feels good. It raises your self-esteem.